I guess I havent
been on Amazon in a while. For books of which you can search the
text on its site, Amazon now has three readability scores
based on different criteria. The site also tells you how many characters,
words, and sentences are in a book. You may learn how many words
are in a book's average sentence, and you may learn how many syllables
are in a books average word. These statistics promise to revolutionize
book shopping.
Readability and syllable counts are just the
beginning, however. Amazon has fun stats, which include
how many words you get per dollar spent. This is bad news for me,
because my book gives you a paltry 510 words per dollar. No one
looking for a lot of words is going to look at my book. In comparison,
the Penguin Classics edition of War and Peace gives you 51,707 words
per dollar. Tolstoy is offering you over one hundred times more
words for each of your hard-earned dollars than I am. Better quality
and quantity.
Or so you would think. It turns out that book
shopping is not the only thing Amazon's new statistics will revolutionize.
With these numbers, Amazon now offers us a more sophisticated, objective,
and statistics-driven means of assessing great literature. Lets
examine the numbers more closely.
My book and War and Peace both employ words
with a fairly high syllable count were both at 1.5
syllables per word. (Some of this may not be Tolstoys fault,
admittedly, since his translator may have a penchant for big English
words.) My sentences, though, are almost half the size of Tolstoys.
Mine average 12.7 words, while his bloated sentences 21.4
words, on average befit his fat, overweening novel.
And
what kind of words? Amazon tells us that the word said
appears more often than any other word in War and Peace, probably
because of Tolstoys over-reliance on dialog. Compare that
to my book, where God is the most predominant word.
I think its easy to conclude which book is more profound and
dare I suggest it? which book is more likely to stand
up over time.
Tolstoys novel says said 2,457
times. Didnt our middle school teachers teach us to employ
more descriptive ways of saying said? Wheres the
old imagination? What about exclaimed, murmured,
cried, even pondered out loud, for crying
out loud?
Lets see if we can freshen up some of
Tolstoys stale prose. Heres a sentence from page 45
in the Penguin edition:
Yes, my dear, said the old count,
addressing the visitor and pointing to Nikolai, his friend
Boris here has been given his commission, so for friendships
sake my Nikolai throws up the University and deserts his old father
to go in the army.
Whats that, 43 words? Who does he think
he is, William Faulkner? If he does, hes one word short, since
Absalom, Absalom! averages 44 words per sentence. I might point
out that only 8% of Absalom, Absalom!s words are complex
compare that to Tolstoys soaring 12% complex word
rate.
Since Amazon has made us all peers, lets
help Tolstoy with a little peer editing. Well work on his
said thing, the word count, and the word complexity.
While were at it, well help him with his prolix sentences
and the pretentious foreign words that serve only as barriers between
the reader and the text. Well replace his tired diction with
some of our descriptive words.
Yes, my dear, mimed the vampire,
talking sinisterly at the newbie while jabbing his gnarled, stubby
finger at Nick. Yes, yes.
![[photos of authors with daughters]](Images/PictureTolstoyStephens.jpg)
The rest of Tolstoys sentence makes little
sense, so it isnt worth salvaging.
Amazons Fog Index applies
the finishing touches to any claim War and Peace makes to literary
merit. The Fox Index is about readability.
Why buy a book if you cant make sense of it? Heres Amazons
explanation of the Fog Index:
The Fog Index
indicates the number of years
of formal education required to read and understand a passage of
text. A score between 7 and 8 is considered ideal, while a score
above 12 is considered difficult to read.
War and Peace scores 13.2 on the Fog Index,
while my book scores a much more approachable 9.3. My book is not
quite ideal, but it is far more ideal than
Tolstoys, which is way beyond difficult to read.
13.2 probably means War and Peace is impossible to read, as more
traditional and empirical evidence suggests.
So you want a lot of words for the money? Line
your bookshelves with Tolstoy, city phone books that sort
of thing. You want a short read, at once approachable and recondite?
Be the fourth person to buy my book on Amazon.
|
Posted April 2005 |